Republicans and Democrats, Please Protect Us from Ron Paul!

Someone stop this quixotic left-wing, right-wing, long-shot, darkhorse, baby-delivering devil.

Every Negative Article You Have Read About Ron Paul in One.

Ron Paul is a 72-year-old dark horse, long-shot libertarian Republican with a longhorse, quixotic-shot bid for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination. As an obstetrician, he has delivered ten babies and he has served over 4,000 terms in Congress. Because he advocates trade, negotiation, and overall positive relationships with other nations, he is a strict isolationist.

Paul’s foreign policies are backward like Colin Powell’s in 2002. He believes the Bush Administration should pursue Osama Bin Laden rather than lure him into Iraq where he will, no doubt, turn himself into the authorities any day. He refuses to respect Halliburton’s sovereign right to govern and to boost the American economy by charging the military $96 for each bag of laundry. There is no doubt that if Paul were President, he would force the troops to shower in warm, transparent water instead of the tasty green stuff government contractors currently provide with impunity.

Paul’s economic policies are reactionary: hailing from the colonial times when Ronald Regan was the President. He has a strange disdain for everything America loves including budget deficits, bureaucratic mismanagement, the destabilization of the dollar, and the complete implosion of the Enron-like structure of Social Security. He wants to remove the capital gains taxes on hard assets like gold and silver, which has not been proposed by any serious economist since a November, 2007 interview with Alan Greenspan. On the other hand, Paul’s opponents have demonstrated certain financial aptitude and have been endorsed by such economic heavyweights as Pat Robertson and Chuck Norris.

His affiliation with the Republican Party is equally laughable. By adhering to its core principles he represents its radical fringe. Having spent one year in the libertarian party and seventy-two in the Republican Party, it is questionable where his loyalties truly lie.

He is rightly ignored by the troops. Although the FEC reports that Dr. Paul has received more money than any other candidate from veterans and active-duty personnel, his opponents, who don’t believe in conspiracies, know his supporters simply colluded with the FEC to deceive the public. Now they infiltrate the military, don their uniforms, and shoot support videos in helicopters and on tanks. Youtube should screen these videos for authenticity.

His supporters can be even more dangerous. They bring heated debates to political blogs and news columns, which were once serene and comfortable forums to trade baking recipes. His entire support consists of three potheads and one neo-Nazi who each raided their mother’s purses to contribute 15 million dollars over the course of his campaign. The neo-Nazi personally endorsed Dr. Paul on his website as well as Jesus Christ and the value of eating leafy green vegetables. Like Dr. Paul, the Savior and the spinach industry have refused to disassociate themselves from the obnoxiously-attenuated connection.

Perhaps the most alarming aspect of Dr. Paul is that he, himself believes in conspiracies. In June, he was recorded on camera saying “hmm” to a spokesman for the 9/11 Truth group. He has also stated that some people may be ideologically driven to advocate for a North American Union and highway. It is preposterous to think that giant American corporations could benefit from an inflow of cheap labor and lower import tariffs. Los Angeles Times columnist, Stephen Braun, proved Paul was wrong by interviewing three men filling potholes on Interstate 5. “There is no such highway” they all explained, replacing future tense with present.

Jeffrey Toobin, a CNN post-debate analyst explained that this means Paul believes in magical “dark forces”. He could not bless viewers with more insight, because CNN had to switch to a special Lou Dobbs report on the proposal for a NAFTA superhighway.

No doubt, Dr. Paul will be forgotten along with such political lightweights as Barry Goldwater, Ronald Reagan, and Thomas Jefferson, who preached identical views. The Republican Party should do its best to eliminate this threat of future success by disenfranchising an entire generation of newfound Republicans who were previously under the impression that they had to be Democrats to be right. This will protect the next generation from the blame for delivering a neglected, broken economy and a government that is $10 trillion in debt. And they will, no doubt, thank the current Republican Party for replacing political theory with Jesus.

Source: Nolan Chart

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Posted in Censorship, Democrats, Elections, Media, Op/Ed, Politics, Reports/Studies/Books, Republicans, The Right-Wing, Western Media

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